For those of you who know me personally, you will know that for the past few weeks, I have been in the throughs of relocating from North Carolina back to my homeland, New Hampshire. We went from a comfortable 1,100 sq. ft. apartment in bustling, hot, humid, Raleigh, NC to a squishy, 800 sq. ft. apartment attached to an Inn and Tavern in the town of Temple, NH. I believe the population in this town is less than or equal to 1,500. The weather has still not quite warmed up yet, and I’m sitting here beside my propane heater with wool socks on and dreading the inevitable fact that I will indeed be going outside for exercise today and freezing my butt off all the while. The transition from sleepy North Carolina to a rapid fire pace here in New Hampshire has really rocked my world in ways that I could not have predicted that it would. I have known for quite some time now that I was not operating to my fullest potential, I felt myself like a caged bird and simultaneously a self-destructing monster. Now, usually people move to the big city to find themselves, or to get into a new environment where there eyes can be opened up to new perspectives. For me, it was about going home, returning to my roots, and settling in to a place that feels more “me”. Little did I know, things have changed and you cannot simply sink into who you were, and who others were, and how things were in the past. Time has a way of carrying along Change on it’s coat tails. While it can feel disorienting or upsetting as it’s taking place, change is, I have come to learn, usually a good thing.
Last night we had dinner with my boss. My boss and I have always been very friendly acquaintances; but I have never yet been in the place in my life where I’ve had the exhilaration of being her FRIEND. It’s a very welcome, warm phase that I get to move into! Maybe it’s the grey hairs in my boyfriends beard, but I’m finally starting to have “couple friends” like I’ve wanted for so long! As we were at their house, I had two epiphanies. One, I realized that the slight awkwardness, and any misunderstandings that came up in the conversations and throughout the evening are TOTALLY NORMAL. I think back to some of the early days in my friendships. You always have to go through this slightly strange bit at the beginning where you’re working to get to know each other. There are moments of strange silence, there are misread looks, and unlaughed-at jokes. But, as the dust settles and the true magical connection of friendship begins to set in, you begin to understand each other and a relationship. You can’t wish these times away, and likewise, it will never again be quite how it is right now.
Another epiphany I had, is that while I have always thought of myself as exceptionally funny, witty, I’m not really the most interesting person to hang out with and I’m not always really proud of the questions I ask, the stories I have to tell. Is anyone super interesting? Perhaps the most interesting people to be around are those who are interested in the other people they are around? Does doing more yoga make more interesting? Should I show off my arm balances and my hand stands?
These are the beginning questions which I hope will lead me to another year of learning, loving, and become a little more of a desireable hot commodity. I want to be the girl that people not just invite TO the party, she MAKES the party. Maybe that’s not who I am or who I can ever be. But I can certainly set my sights on it and wish for the best. Cheers!
And as always, the realization that each journey has a destination of which the traveler is unaware.