Amelia Bedelia Discovers a Repository

You know what I really want? What keeps me up at night wishing and hoping for? A repository.

A place where I can dump everything, every thought, dream, word, friend, contact phone number, email address, schedule, I just wish I had some sort of binder in which everything in life was safe and sound. My passwords, names of everyone I’ve ever know, job descriptions of every job I’d ever have to describe. A place I can put my weekly horoscope, positive messages, or the fact that I just got my haircut into a great new style. A record of what I eat, the nights I can’t sleep, the days I workout, the days I don’t have a glass of wine (that would be the smallest category in the repository). A filing system, a series of tabs for the inner life. Wish lists, finances, an organizer’s bliss.

Yesterday was my last formal day at my job here in North Cackalacky. Now of course the first day I can actually sleep in and I’m wide awake! Perhaps I’m just excited….nervous….stressed?

I’m moving North to my homeland with the love of my life to start a fresh and likely very fun future. As we pack boxes and prepare to kiss the Carolina’s farewell, I have this urge and desire to streamline. All of the trains in my life, still in different stations, collecting passengers as the many different parts of me run their routes. Running my ragged. I want to become unified within myself, so that when I talk to myself, the voices inside my head become one voice.

Organizationally speaking, work was my happy place. Everything under one neat folder, labeled, organized, dated. A crystal clear record of each day’s work. I guess that is what I want to start creating for myself so I can feel less scattered and more on purpose. And some of it will require purging of the old. That which was and no longer defines me.

Maybe in my few, short days of unemployment I can make this happen. There is a nice sunny airplane ride in my near future.

haircut

Here is the picture I showed the hairdresser…

Here is how she cut my hair! I love it!

Here is how she cut my hair! I love it!

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Be Brave

My boss’ new slogan for the year is “Be Brave 2014”. She had me blow it up in big letters, add a Chinese symbol on it, print it on a piece of 11 x 17″ paper (my new FAVORITE size paper, by the way) and hang it on her office door, facing in so she can see it. So what does the word “brave” really mean? I’m not part of the world where tigerImages and lions run rampant, where we defend our young against various attackers, and we have to stand up for what we believe on a regular basis. I’m a girl whose daily ritual has her driving the same roads, walking into the same office, and living the same mundane life day after day. How do I “Be Brave” in this kind of environment?

Perhaps bravery is mastery of the mundane, making your environment work for you, rather than feeling a slave to it. Perhaps bravery is sticking with something that you start, being bold in who you are, or the choices that you make, or the projects you take on. Perhaps bravery is taking that tiny inkling of fear that is inside you –the fear that makes you uncomfortable to take a step into the realm of happiness. The fear that makes you cross your fingers and hope this is not all a big, huge mistake. You do it all because you are infinitely hopeful that this is part of your journey. Your bravery stems from knowing that you have a journey, and taking it upon yourself to embark on it.

Maybe that’s what bravery is. Maybe courage is about taking the steps to live to your fullest potential, despite the status quo barking it’s regimented numbers and rules to you….

Here is to being Brave this year! Like never before!