You know what I really want? What keeps me up at night wishing and hoping for? A repository.
A place where I can dump everything, every thought, dream, word, friend, contact phone number, email address, schedule, I just wish I had some sort of binder in which everything in life was safe and sound. My passwords, names of everyone I’ve ever know, job descriptions of every job I’d ever have to describe. A place I can put my weekly horoscope, positive messages, or the fact that I just got my haircut into a great new style. A record of what I eat, the nights I can’t sleep, the days I workout, the days I don’t have a glass of wine (that would be the smallest category in the repository). A filing system, a series of tabs for the inner life. Wish lists, finances, an organizer’s bliss.
Yesterday was my last formal day at my job here in North Cackalacky. Now of course the first day I can actually sleep in and I’m wide awake! Perhaps I’m just excited….nervous….stressed?
I’m moving North to my homeland with the love of my life to start a fresh and likely very fun future. As we pack boxes and prepare to kiss the Carolina’s farewell, I have this urge and desire to streamline. All of the trains in my life, still in different stations, collecting passengers as the many different parts of me run their routes. Running my ragged. I want to become unified within myself, so that when I talk to myself, the voices inside my head become one voice.
Organizationally speaking, work was my happy place. Everything under one neat folder, labeled, organized, dated. A crystal clear record of each day’s work. I guess that is what I want to start creating for myself so I can feel less scattered and more on purpose. And some of it will require purging of the old. That which was and no longer defines me.
Maybe in my few, short days of unemployment I can make this happen. There is a nice sunny airplane ride in my near future.