The feeling of everything coming at you at once is a relative one. What overwhelms one person and results in sleepless nights, renders another unfettered.
So why do I have such a small capacity for carrying around large quantities of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. I like to think it’s because my brain and heart are interwoven tightly and I’m deeply involved with everything that goes through my head. But that’s probably not it.
I have been seeing a counselor lately to try to get over this unreasonable hump, the one where I feel worthless, unvalued, and ready to plunge into another portion of life without having fully thought it through. It seems the more I see her, the more stuff I have to do. Now I have even more to think about and analyze, and more I want to say and talk about! Maybe I was never meant to shine, and I should’ve left well-enough alone. I should’ve let sub par be sub par. At least I could’ve gotten some sleep that way.
Who knows the reason for this needless awakening this evening, maybe this is the night I will find that perfect apartment on Craigslist, make the life-changing Linked In connection, finally catch up on paying all my bills…probably I will do nothing productive but look on Facebook at pictures of cats and go right back to where I started. OH well, at least I banked my insomnia on the opportunity to catch up on my Scrabble turns, get some thoughts out, and then get a jump start on my 5am kettle bell workout.
It’s looking like I have to get re-addicted to Valerian root if I want to survive.