Tall Tales and the Number 7

Honesty.

The Truth.

Refraining from Lies, Fibs, Tall Tales, Exaggerations.

Where on earth did lying come from I often wonder? I wonder how human beings got into saying the opposite of what was true? Whoever brought into existence the lie was setting us all up for failure, you see. Now we have to wear clothes we don’t want to be wearing, smile when we don’t want to be smiling, tell people they look good when they look bad, say we like a disgusting plate of Green Eggs and Ham when in reality we will not eat them on a bus, on a train, in the rain, with a cat, or while wearing a hat. And by this very belief, society lies again. They lie by telling us we have to lie to keep up, to be in line with the status quo, and to fit in. “Fake it til’ you make it,” or how about this one when you’re getting your photo taken, “SAY CHEESE!”

I’m not bashing the land of the free and the home of the brave here, just saying….I have a really hard time telling the truth. Sometimes to myself, sometimes to others, and sometimes when it matters most.

I’ll use today as an example, and then I’ll digress, because digression is the reason for the season.

Today I was sick at work. I had chills, like the type you get when you’re about to spontaneously combust into a fever, or puke up ever section of your jejunum into your cubicle trashcan. Fortunately, the dizziness and nausea (I won’t lie, I can’t spell nausea without spell checker) were manageable while I was sitting still, with my head down, doing absolutely nothing. But that is not the way my job works. I’m running around like a chicken with her head cut off and helping out this, that and the other person. So, needless to say, I was about to start sprinting to the ladies room when my boss noticed my paleness and asked me what was wrong. The worst part of all this was that she was on her way to a meeting, and I had the opportunity to tell her my woes. Instead, I said in my head, “It’s ok, just another half hour like this….” and I told her I would tell her when she returned. When she came frolicking back down through the cubes, she asked me to tell her what was up, and I practically swallowed my tongue and every tooth in my mouth that I just ferociously ground with terror while telling her the truth –“I think I’m sick.”

Socrates

Now here is the truth, personally, I don’t know what “sick” is because I don’t get sick. My stomach hurts everyday all day, but that is another thing entirely. Illness, this chick just does not do. And so I left, I went home for the day. Cautiously driving my car so as not to give myself motion sickness and I fell asleep. I guess I really WAS sick because there is no way, over my dead body or any other grave for that matter that I would fall asleep in the middle of the day.

I will tell you what though, it was hard to tell someone my truth. Hard to tell them what I wanted, what I needed. It was hard to grant myself the gift of expression.

Fast forward to everyday life. When you know that everyday, or nearly everyday you’re misrepresenting yourself. Trying to be someone you’re not, and living in your own lie. I know what you’re thinking (remember, I always know what you’re thinking). You’re thinking, “This Chick thinks she’s Dexter and has her own dialogue in her head to narrate her life.” Well, that’s true, I do have my own running narrator. But that aside, ask yourself this question today, if I’m ME, who does that make me? Who am I? What are 124 things that make you unique? What are 6 things you would enjoy reading about? What 7 songs are your favorite?

You know, while I don’t believe the world revolves around me, I do believe that my truth is the only that I can know, and I need to work everyday to fully understand and express all that that is comprised of.

Part II . The Magical Number

7 Is indeed a lucky number. 7 Dwarves, 7…uh….ok…that’s all I can think of. But hey, it’s everywhere! It’s supposedly the “perfect number”, the amount of years in which your body ebbs and flows into new phases, and that brings me to….the fact that I will be 28 soon!

I think I am personally entering my own next 7 of something! The last time this happened was when I was 21, and I truly DID feel that emerging into a new era (or that could’ve been the result of my 21st birthday bash and one too many free beverages). I think I made a good first step by lowering my car insurance rate. I feel an excitement in the air like the next 7 years are going to be something really great. Does that make me weird?

 

 

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Sometimes I Want to Throw Things

Yes, well, like a true Bedilia, it’s been awhile since I’ve last written. I’ve been busy working, being a space cadet, working some more, moving into my new luxurious mattress, and working a tad more. Then I enjoyed the most amazing, or at least ONE of the most amazing Thanksgivings ever. Relaxing, totally pressure-free. I missed my family, my friends, but alas threats of the snow kept me walking around the same lake I’ve been walking around for the past 7 months.

Now it’s back to the real world. The real world. The real world. The sound echoes through my head, clangs against my skull bones, because I’m having a hard time believing that this could possibly be real life. Is unhappiness and discomfort everyday supposed to be how life goes? Do I have to constantly be telling myself to think and feel a way that I don’t?

Sometimes, kids have it so lucky. If things are not going their way, they whine, they cry, they scream. They throw stuff. They hit people. The repercussions are minor, like sitting in time out, losing cookies and getting grounded from TV. Grown ups have to hide so many emotions. They have to kid themselves into so many things, and talk themselves into feeling or acting certain ways. So I want to ask…what is up with the facade? I wanna drown the fake me, so she can’t screw up my soul searching. How am I supposed to find myself if she gets in the way and pretends to be someone I’m not?

Life can really put you between a rock and a hard place. I noticed that when I arrived there, I stopped expecting everyday to present a miracle. I stopped thinking something special might happen, or I might get a little closer to my center. I stopped hoping and dreaming…

But I’m taking two big steps towards change. The question now is, can I trick myself into gradual acceptance of myself?

One foot. Two foot. Left foot. Right foot. One right in front of the other.

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Louise L. HayTexasRoadhouse086