Seeing Double

I just got a great new job.

One in which I spend a lot of time in an office working with a computer, under rather brightish lights and air conditioning that is an Antarctic breeze all summer long. I have always eschewed this kind of lifestyle, the corporate day-in-day-out rigamarole. But let’s face it folks, full time work that you enjoy is full time work you enjoy. No matter the environment. I really like the people I work with, and their smiling faces along with a busy work load have me flying through each day.

I also have health care insurance, finally, for probably the first time in my independent life. Took me long enough. With my health insurance, I am entitled to a very inexpensive eye exam along with glasses. Now, I’m going to tell you a story that no one believes when I tell them. I won’t be surprised if you do not believe it either. But it’s true. I swear upon all things swearable upon.  Unfortunately, there is absolutely no evidence (as I would NEVER let someone take a picture of this phenomena), so you will just have to trust me.


Once upon a time, when I was six years old, I went to the eye doctor and was prescribed GLASSES. Coke bottle lenses. Now, back then, my family was extremely poor so we had to get the cheapest things money could or couldn’t buy. So, I opted of course, for these very colorful, large-framed glasses in a snazzy pink faux-leather carrying case. I would visit the eye doctor every so often (and progressively more often when my mother began working for one) and have my prescription filled and checked. I hated wearing glasses, looked even more nerdy and homely than I already was as a kid, and I rarely wore mine, preferring instead to squint constantly and lay strictly on my left side when reading so as to improve my vision.

When I came of age and had to attend high school, I was entirely too petrified to wear my reading glasses. My friends wore glasses, but the constant bullying and teasing I had already endured from my classmates made me swear to myself that I would not put on my lenses to add to their list of things to harass me about. It was also about this time when I became extremely interested in health, diets, and how that correlated to the forming of my rods and cones. So, hypochondriac as I was, I decided to go about eating a bag of baby carrots  (1 LB) every day to help my eyes and deliver more precious vitamins to my bloodstream. Even upon graduating high school, and into college, I devoured carrots and other vegetables like beets, parsnips, spinach, all with the mindset that I was going to improve my vision eventually. I even sold my frames to people at discounted rates so they could fill them with their own prescriptions. My next eye doctor appointment went surprisingly well, after I got through the torture of the AIR PUFF in my eye. MY vision was 20/18 in one eye and 20/20 in the other!! The vegetables, or placebo effect, or just my determination to SEE the unseen, had WORKED!!! So there you have it, for the past 6 years I have been glasses free!

Now let’s hope the pound of carrots I horse hay my way through everyday keeps up the good work. I’ve been seeing double the past three days but I think that has to do with the fact that my boss brought her twins into work with her on Friday, and yesterday we had a customer bring in CJ and Chase, another set of twins. Ah yes, and then there is the martinis……they always make one see double. As in, one in each hand, please.


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