Girl Least Likely

Something strange just occurred to me. 

I’m sitting here in the privacy of my own home, getting ready to write a blog to start off my day. Today is undoubtedly going to be good. I’m going to take a walk, or two walks, or three, enjoy the solitude of nature (as I breathe in the exhaust of the cars rushing by me), I’m going to eat homemade hummus that I myself created last night, and I’m going to enjoy not having to worry about doing anything excessively productive until tomorrow.

I’m sure you’re now wanting to know the strange thing that just happened.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I haven’t told you yet.

I’m sure you’re annoyed that I’m not getting to the point.

And then you’re instantly cured of being annoyed, because you understand that cliff-hangers in the middle of a written work are like pleasure delayers.

So, without further ado, here is what happened:

I’m preparing to write about yesterday’s experience with a girl that came into our store yesterday representing Shop Local Raleigh. She has a blog through ShopLocal Raleigh where she talks about local businesses and how she is coming to and weening herself off of her college daze. So while I’m letting these thoughts circulate a bit, in hopes that they will pick up momentum and start landing on the computer screen into thought-provoking and somehow complete sentences, I’m dabbling around reading her blog, reading my friend Toni’s blog, and a few other bits and bobbles to find out you know, the answer to what people are asking. The usual. I also visited StumbleUpon which is a site that allows people like ME who are just aimlessly surfing the internet, to find a random site tailored according to her interests. The sites they usually curate for me are spot on and correlate perfectly with what I’m into:, crosswordpuzzlesforpeoplewhoare90yearold’slivingin27yearold’, and

Actually, to be perfectly honest, I think my interests are writing, spirituality, travel, cooking, exercise, staying in shape, not eating too much, self improvement, ya da ya da ya da. This morning, I hit the “Stumble” button and in the back of my mind, I was thinking the words “Writing Inspiration, Writing Better for Your Audience”  in hopes that something pertaining to well, writing, would pop up. This is when the weirdness happens: The page that came up was “The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better” complete with TEN whole tips on how to write better.  It was like the Internet read my mind. And no, in case you’re wondering, I did NOT employ them in writing this particular entry. The whole point of telling you all this was just to express how strange it was that I had been thinking it and then BA-DING-BA-DAM! It popped up. The end.

Back to the girl from yesterday and her blog….her name was Brianne (Breanne?) and she was either 21 or 22, which I alluded to based on the fact that she just graduated from college in May, and landed HER DREAM JOB in June. I must say, I am always happy for people that are happy and successful and everything, but a tinge, ok a TON of jealousy surged through my veins as she raved about her success story and this DREAM JOB.

She is supposed (tomorrow) to be writing a blog about her visit to our store, which I am quite anxious to read. In the interest of research and marketing, I read her blog and I couldn’t help comparing how she gets over 100 hits per day on hers, to me being elated to get 48 on my top read post. And I didn’t even crack a single laugh or drool over her gooey pizza and beer descriptions. When I read my own blog I’m cracking MYSELF up, so I can only assume the rest of you are in stitches and unable to contain yourselves. I guess her goal is likely to appeal to a crowd that I am not a part of.


There are SO many blogs, inspirational sites, online magazines with articles galore, I am not even sure people are discriminatory about what they are reading these days. They just want funny, short, and some good stories about your epic failures in life so they feel better about themselves. The writing doesn’t necessarily matter, but can they find you on Facebook or Pinterest? The more I am learning about life, I am realizing it truly IS all about who you know. Opportunity and the a stab at fame and fortune come with shmoozing with the write people. MOST common folk aren’t really thinking about what you’re writing, they only care about how many hashtags you use in a sentence so they can link to your Pinterest page or Instagram. Is that how that #works? I have no idea, in all truthfulness. Because I am a loser with a capital “L”, I’m just going to go ahead and assume that I am not going to strike big in the writing world, or any other world for that matter, anytime soon, unless I can figure out a way to unabashedly tell my life’s story and change the names of all the guilty parties.


Am I an old dinosaur for wanting to go against the grain and be unpopular? Keeping up with the times used to be fun and exciting, but now the way things have gone down, careening towards disarray and disconnectedness, it’s not exactly top on my list of things to do: To Become Popular. I think that means I would have to OMG and LOL and BRB. Alas, I’ve never been Girl Most-Likely to Succeed anyway. 

Ham Mock


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