Because I Like to Depress You


Today kind of sucked. In the way that liposuction and vacuum cleaners do.

A day off by myself is usually a cherished gem of delightfulness. Better than all the diamond rings in all the world. A day of self-reflection, over-exercising, indulgence, gratification of my utmost desires, and well, more truthfully –catching up on all the crap I didn’t do yesterday because I was anticipating the hour at which I had to leave for work and nervously pacing the floor instead of vacuuming it or mopping, like I should have been.

Today though, I had a multitude of hang-ups interrupting my perfect day.

1. My car had to go into the shop first thing, so I started it up at 6:45am, only to find that it wouldn’t start and needed a jump and a new battery….this is on TOP of the $800 power steering rack which is being installed as I type this.

2. Because of my time set back, I ended up walking home from the mechanic’s shop later than expected, so I texted my friend on my walk back from the shop to see if she was awake so we could chat. No reply, until several hours later, at which time I was expecting to….

3. Talk to someone else on the phone and didn’t want either conversation to be interrupted by the other’s.

4. During this waiting, I was simultaneously waiting for my mom to call me a) for our weekly chat and b) because she has to help me pay for the exorbitant car repair because I’m broker than a really really broken thing, and I have to….

5. Call the car service repair place with my mother’s payment information but in order to do that I have to…

6. Wait for my mom to call me.

7. Meanwhile, I’m waiting for FedEx to come and deliver my package which I have to be here for in order to sign and that sort of limits me from accomplishing what I really wanted to do which was

8. Go to the gym first thing, since I have to walk and it’s going to be nearly 100 degrees today. But that’s OK, I can take the heat and wait until he comes…unless of course….

7. He comes too late, in which case I will be extremely frustrated because my perfectly scheduled day which didn’t really matter the time or schedule (due to the fact that it was a day off) got slightly altered in that now I have to work around 4:30/5:00, at which time I am not sure whether or not my vehicle will be finished and so I have to be prepared for action regardless by mid-afternoon, thus declaring my walk null and void if it does not commence by 12:00pm on the nose. At which time I will not have a pen in hand for if my mother calls me and that will most likely happen during someone else’s phone call and FedEx will leave their note on my door telling me that tomorrow I have to drive to the little FedEx store umpteen million miles away to get my package.


It’s all a rather delicate CLOCK you see which has ultimately worked to bring me back to where I started which is….

That Today SUCKS.

My fridge is empty (except for garbanzo bean flour, peanut butter, and a carrot), no one is calling me, my package hasn’t arrived, I wanna go exercise, and enjoy the sunshine, and I’m waiting on the Universe because there is simply nothing else I can do.

People are always encouraging you to MAKE things happen. But you can only put so many balls into motion, before you lose track of how many you have out there and can’t afford to buy anymore. Or when people don’t even notice that you’re throwing balls out there. Is my aim not good? Do I have to throw them harder?

Who knew FedEx being late could make a person so introspective. (They have T-8 minutes now)

There is nothing like finding out that your bank account is going down into a whirlpool of quicksand and taking you with it faster than you can make a buck (this entire ordeal resulted as the cause of a flat tire last week at which time I was STOPPED from making it to an appointment I had and unable to reschedule), or when you feel like you’re trapped in your house and all you can do is clean your shower six times while you’re waiting on the rest of the world. Apparently no one really wants to talk to you and all you can do is think negative thoughts… and then that sinking feeling like maybe you’re not one of those people that good things will ever happen to. That the universe is not aligned for you, or maybe you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, always. And maybe there is only one person that loves and cares about you in this entire world, and maybe everyone else has forgotten about you….you’re just done taking chances. I need to be cut a freakin’ break. See why this day sucks? One misfire in my perfect plan and my life is rapidly being taken into full examination in other areas as well, and it’s not a pretty picture.

What I'd Rather be Doing....

What I’d Rather be Doing….

Well, I may as well stop now. Pretty sure no one got anywhere important in life by thinking cause if you think long and hard enough, it all brings you back to the theory of “Woe is Me”. It’s pretty sad when the highlight of your day is conducting a self test to see whether or not a person can live on a diet of peanut butter and garbanzo bean flour pancakes. I think the results were pretty much in favor of me surviving.

Time to get back to the task at hand: WAITING.

Three hours later….

My car is done, two of three phone calls happened and the only thing I am waiting for is a magical star to fall from heaven and Fed Ex to get here before I leave for work! I now know of four people I love who love me back and well, I guess this day doesn’t suck as bad as I thought. I can think of a lot worse. Like imagine if I had lemon juice in my eye….


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