All my best ideas come to me while walking around the lake beside my house. This morning in fact, while walking, I saw a lady playing an accordion with a very large group of “followers” surrounding her singing. It dawned on me that this might be a hobby I should try to take up, especially as I am in the market for more friends and it looked like one of those instruments that is gonna be outta style if someone doesn’t bring it back ASAP. Another idea I got was to clean my apartment and scrub the floors. Then I decided a better idea would be to lolly gag, postpone the cleaning project until tomorrow and instead cut pretty pictures out of magazines to affix onto my “dreamboard”. For those of you who do not know what a dreamboard is. Click here. But come right back, or open in it in a new tab, or window, or whatever they call these internetted cyber space boxes now. Ok, so now my really brilliant idea that I got whilst wandering as I wondered and trotting to Boston and Lynn, across the yellow brick road, and through the woods to grandma’s house was, are you ready? Was to write a blog about the various types of FRIENDS that we have in our lives.
I keep tallys and lists of things. Lots of things. In a psychotically tallys and lists of things kind of way. Most people know this about me. I keep tallys of how many days this week I’ve had wheat, how many drinks I’ve had this year, how many kernels of popcorn I’ve had this century. I keep a checkmark by each day on my calendar that I work out, how many hours I worked at my job, how many jobs I’ve worked, how many people I’ve met at the jobs I’ve worked, which ones I still talk to, what classes I took in college, who I met in those classes, what the names of my professors were; I have all the papers from those classes in college, the notebooks in which I took notes, heck, I have all the papers and notebooks from high school! I have, somewhere though I would never say where it’s located, a written list of how many people I’ve kissed, who I’ve dated, who I’ve just gone on dates with and not dated, including blind dates (so they couldn’t been lying to me about who they REALLY were), a list of books I’ve read, movies I’ve watched, an even longer list of books I need to read and movies I need to watch. The list goes on. Really it does. But I will stop there.
I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but today I made a list of who my closest friends are and what they are like. I got the idea from reading this article on Thought Catalog, a site I absolutely love for raunchy/otherwise insane topics that you are, for some reason, still dying to read about. Basically, this article talks about female friendships and how while, irreplaceable, they are categorized into groups which, are all various levels of us females being “fake” with each other.
Let’s face it girls, we often are. Aren’t we!? Why!? Jealousy? Competition? Weeding out the weak?
If you ladies are really friends, why are you hating on the other one when she gets a raise or when her life is going right?
It’s a fact we may never understand, and God bless you if you have the guts to attempt to figure it all out.
Hence the reason many lady friendships stay exactly as they are and we continue to walk tightropes and precarious lines with our mothers and best friends on a regular basis. I dunno, maybe if we knew the truth about each other, and we bared all instead of biting each other’s heads off behind each other’s backs…we would be a whole lot less into guys and way more into each other. That is not so evolutionarily convenient, now, is it? Now, I’m going to give you my own version of the female friendship categories.
I can have an absolutely great friendship with my co-workers! You see each other so often, around 40-60 hours a week, you battle through big storms together, and you likely get to know a lot about each other. It’s the perfect recipe for a deliciously, fresh friendship. Problems that can possibly occur with female co-workers include monetary differences, and jealousy surrounding that. What happens if one of you is not playing by the rules and the other is obligated to tell? Managerial situations where one person is of a higher standing? And then, there is the hanging out outside of work in which you reveal all your deep, dark secrets….unless you’re SURE nothing can go wrong. This is a general rule for the GENERAL public. Some people I know have GREAT co-worker friendships and have met some of their very best friends through work. For me, the co-worker-friend situation has usually been one to avoid. What happens when you have a deadline and your friend comes over to your desk for a quick chat? Situations in which you have to be perfectly, and often painfully honest often arise with your co-workers and it’s a whole lot less difficult when that person is simply a fellow professional. You should be amicable and honest with each other as co-workers, friendly, and chatty when the time is right. But, be, forewarned….being friends with your co-workers is a tough job!
Ever been looking nonchalantly at your Facebook profile and realize that you have 649 friends? Is that just 49 too many? Perhaps it’s 600 too many. Do you even know all those people!? The Delete-Worthy Female Acquaintances are the ones that are well, delete-worthy. You can’t hold onto EVERY friendship throughout all the years. Every roommate you ever had, every girl you ever went through Freshman Orientation with, it gets to be overwhelming. A tally I have attempted to keep, only to shred the paper into 1,000,000,000 pieces in vain! Now it’s a lot easier, “Oh, I have no idea who this person is, oh that’s right I met her at some camp, retreat, yoga, silent getaway and we never even talked…” DELETE.
This is one of my favorite categories! Growing up, I was always better friends with my friend’s moms than with my friends. I wanted to talk politics, job searches, salaries, and what was their grocery list. How’s their relationship with their husband going? How have they maintained their girlish physique over the years, and please give me a detailed autobiography of everything in your life up to this point. Even to this day, my friend’s ages do not fall within my current demographic. One of my very good friends is 67 and sometimes I can talk to her more easily than people my own age. If you get friends like this, I recommend highly that you hang onto them. Sometimes you’re able to be MORE open with them because you know they are living their own lives and not directly involved in yours. Just be sure to filter your advice through a negativity filter, and don’t let any notions they’ve come to throughout the years be your end-all-be-all when it comes to your outlook.
My very best friends, the ones I am closest to and feel like family with, have come to me in a variety of ways. Some I took baths with when I was a kid, because my mom and I lived with them. Others I met when I first began to attend school, at the HIGH SCHOOL 45 minutes away from my house, a small few I met in college, and others still I met because of common interests as I began to shape and mold myself into the person that I truly am. Even with those relatable scenarios, I still picked some up here and there, as I found them loitering on the wayside. I have a lot of friends I would consider my “BEST” friends, mostly because I just adore people and secondly because I have a hard time keeping a friend if we cannot be straight-forward and honest with one another. Survival of the fittest. My best friends fall into a variety of categories, and all break out of these boxes the instant I put them in them: Bodybuilders, models, dancers, bartenders, yogis, masseuses, working mothers, former drug addicts, former convicts, missionaries, social workers, pastor’s wives, entrepreneurs, ah yes, and art teachers! A girl can NEVER have too many REAL friends. That, I firmly believe. I just wish I could be with them all and see them on a regular basis…sigh.
I’m about to start studying massage full-time in school and they say that clients shouldn’t be your friends. I’m not sure about this one. I know you can’t be your client’s friends if you’re a therapist, or their social worker. But can’t doctors, dentists, plastic surgeons, massage therapists be friends with their clients? Or friends first, then clients? I’m unsure about this one. I know what the “right” answer is…but it seems skewed. I’ve have my friends as clients in other positions I’ve worked and it has been just smashing. They are often my biggest supporters and fans in a new venture!
I wish I had sisters. I could educate you more on this side of the coin if I did. The end.
So remember the two rules of friendship:
2. Just because you’re friends on Facebook or Instagram, does not mean you’re officially “FRIENDS”
Now it’s time for your loyal blog host to go make some phone calls, I am getting a little nostalgic and teary-eyed. And if anyone is looking for a cool, hip, compassionate, part-time / full-time friend, I’m always hiring.