Is it in the Stars?

And now a science experiment to once and for all, definitively prove or disprove the virtue and value of horoscopes, astrology, and the related practices.

Please note: No animals nor humans were hurt in testing. All methods are eco-friendly, organic, and utilizing sustainable resources. No stars were actually observed during testing and all results are based on subjective and otherwise frivolous or non-existent data.

It’s Tuesday! One of my favorite days of the week! “How come? Why so? What for?” you ask. Well, I shall tell you exactly why.

1. The ever-loathed (a day I actually quite enjoy) Monday is successfully OVER. That means you have no more excuse for the Monday Blues, or Manic Monday, or any of those other horrible country songs that imply life ends when you lace up your Oxfords and tighten your belt buckle at the beginning of the week.

2. Tuesday is also one day closer to payday, Friday.

3. For me and my hardcore teammates, Tuesday also denotes “Trivia Night”!

4. Tuesday is a day I get to go into work a little later, thereby eliminating the need to rush and allowing myself to get some tasks done here and there.

5. Best of all reasons, Tuesday is the day that Rob Brezny, of the website: FreeWill Astrology puts out a new weekly horoscope.

Now, before you think I am some moon-dancing, sun-worshiper, totem-pole-twirling dervish –just take a moment to hear me out. I am one of those people who need to feel like she is part of some greater whole. It’s no fun just being me, I want to know why I exist, and what my “purpose is” and I sometimes wish there was something you were actually “supposed” to be doing, that way I would have more direction, rather than trying to look within and point myself along the path of a high-functioning, happy, balanced, and efficiently-living individual. Then again, if I were to do that all on my own, I would have all the more reason to feel good about myself, as I could fully take the credit for my successes. This being said, and if you’re still following, I am always seeking a portal of connection to the Universe or the bigger picture. I have been known to delve in a little horoscope reading, with the rationale that my birthdate has indeed affected the type of person I am, and thereby will influence my deliberate and self-driven courses of action and events beyond my control. But how reliable are said methods of future foresight?

I shall now attempt to piece together some strands of horoscopes/inspirations/tarots for today and we shall take them into account when analyzing the events of the day. It is important to factor in that the Rob Brezny one is for the entire WEEK, and the animal card that I am drawing will be for an indeterminable period of time.

Experiment #1) Messages from the Universe. These come by email on a daily basis and are an inspirational word to make you think that the Universe loves you and is looking out for you. I know for a fact that the Universe is in fact against me, and that this message is simply a sarcastic sentence to make me feel worse about myself. But, as you will see, they really personalize that for folks so that you can honestly feel that the message is specifically for you. The messages are slightly cryptic and although some days they feel spot on, they usually just end up making me feel like I suck at everything because I am failing to follow my dreams. This is what mine said for today:

“It’s not the dazzling voice that makes a singer, Emily. Or clever stories that make a writer. And it’s not piles of money that make a tycoon. It’s having a dream and wanting to live it so greatly that one would rather move with it and “fail” than succeed in another realm. You so have what it takes. At which point, of course, Emily, failure becomes impossible, joy becomes the measure of success, and fitting into the jeans you wore back-in-the-day, inevitable.
    The Universe”



Did I mention they can also be SO ultra cryptic? The lesson here is, stop singing in the shower, and start getting really good at failing. Done and done.

Experiment #2) The Daily Angel Card. This is a sweet little tradition to share with someone.

AngelCardsWhen I worked at a chiropractor’s office in Peterborough, NH, I chose a daily card which has a very-well drawn picture of an angel on it, depicting the word which I drew. While in France, I created my own, a cheaper-looking, but heartfelt version of these cards to send back to my true love. The back of them had pictures of the snow-capped mountains (which I cut from postcards) where I lived, and the front was a word my non-creative brain had dreamt up: Inspiration, Passion, Journey, Love, Dreams and Wishes, Dubstep, Carrots, etc, etc, you get the idea. However, I just bought for my true love’s birthday a deck of these ACTUAL angel cards, which we keep in a bowl and choose together daily. Sometimes they ring true and sometimes they make me wanna wring my neck because I can’t live up to it’s expectations. Today’s word for me was “Education”. I suppose, by virtue of the fact that I am conducting this educational experiment, as well as going to Trivia tonight, and I did just read an article  on the invention of the Milton Bradley game “Battleship”, I can consider that a successful method of prediction. Check. 

Experiment #3) Animal Medicine. This is a deck of cards that was given to me by a co-worker of mine in Charlotte. The concept is this, you blindfold yourself (or just close your eyes), choose a card and read the words that go along with it. I must admit, every time I do this practice mindfully, I reach and grab one that is applicable to my situation. Consequentially, I always just so happen to choose beautiful white SWAN, reminding me that one day I will turn into one instead of the one-eyed Wombat girl that I currently am. All joking aside, in choosing one today, I chose the world Turtle. Before you go thinking that I am planning to snap at someone, I will give you a few of the sentences that correspond with the Turtle card.  Turtle

If you have chosen the Turtle symbol, you are being asked to honor the creative source within you, to be grounded to the Earth, and to observe your situation with motherly compassion. Use the water and earth energies, which represent Turtle’s two homes, to flow harmoniously with your situation and to place your feet firmly on the ground in a power stance.”

It goes on to read that I might even be able to overcome tendencies of being a “space cadet” despite what people say about me. Ok, I don’t care if this one is true or not, I like it. It’s no swan, but, I am going to figure out a way to make this one true. Who can argue with being more grounded!?

Experiment #4) Cell Phone Predictions. Is my Smart Phone smarter than I am giving it credit for? Can it also predict my future? I have a little app on my phone that gives you either a daily horoscope, or daily tarot. Now, unveiling a little unwanted factoid, I am a Taurus. I’m supposedly earthy, needing stability and grounded-ness, and unabashedly stubborn. I don’t bother with the “Lovescopes” because Taurus and love don’t go together in the same sentence. I like to think of myself more as one who doesn’t put up with any bull, a Jill of all trades, and a master of none. Let’s see what the stars say for today:

“You may be in a difficult position, Taurus as a critical part of a pending decision. Your first reaction may be to throw up your hands and leave the decision to someone else. Making a choice is too tough, so you find that you’d rather not have to make it at all. Unfortunately, it looks like everyone else has the same idea. Deep down, you have an opinion that needs to be heard.”

Hmmm….rather useful for trivia later, I think. I’ll make sure my opinions and gut feelings trump everyone else’s if need be. Although, I would’ve been more sure that it was right if it said something like: “You will have an allergic reaction today.” “You will have a bowel movement next week.” “You will forget to wipe down your gym equipment after you use it.” The problem with horoscopes, I find, is that they all suggest “temperance”, “perseverance”, “openness” “patience”…. and such foreign phrases as the solutions to solving your problems. I read another one for today and they both have mentioned disturbances today with a significant other. Hopefully that is for some other Taurus. I find it’s always best to read these when the day is through so that you don’t become your own, best, self-fulfilling prophecy. Come to think of it, perhaps that’s what we all always are.

Experiment #5) Rob BreznyI saved the best, and my personal favorite for last. These are almost too good for me to share, which I suppose makes me a bit selfish. However, since they are on the Internet already for the entire world to see, they are probably already known by way more folks than I think and it won’t hurt to tell a few more. These are weekly paragraphs written with art and grace and I find them to be frighteningly spot-on at times. I’m also the kind of person that needs all the help she can get, so any advice is good advice. They’re mini challenges to get you through until the next week and if you believe this stuff, it’s a great way to spy on what another person is going through in their lives. I also love that these are the horoscopes they choose to put in the weekly “Indy” paper here in Raleigh. It makes me feel like this city “knows what’s up”. Even if astrology is bogus and horoscopes are for the birds, these are the kinds of words I get giddy to be connected to and believe that they are somehow correlating to my life path:

“…if you want power over something, you should be more real than it. What does that mean? How do you become real in the first place, and how do you get even more real? Here’s what I think: Purge your hypocrisies and tell as few lies as possible. Find out what your deepest self is like — not just what your ego is like — and be your deepest self with vigorous rigor.”

Now that you read this entire blog, you know as well as me what is going to happen in my life for at least the next week. I am clearly going to love, fight, make up, transcend, and simultaneously ground myself to the earth and my truth. So what is all this stuff? A bunch of bogus? Hippy-hugging, tree-loving grassfed bologna? What is my conclusion to my initial hypothesis? My highly scientific experimental findings? I guess it’s like my grand pappy always says, “You never can tell.”

Considering that his other famous life slogan is, “There’s always room for dessert,” I pretty much always take to heart his advice and predictions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some temperance to exhibit.



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