The other night I had a really weird dream. In short, I had my head hacked off and a horse head replaced my once beautiful vibrant face. I wore the horse head to the gym, out to restaurants, and had to flaunt it a the grocery store. It was a strange dream, and slightly disconcerting. The type of dream that made you think it means something significant, but was probably just a result of eating carrots before bed. I am used to Charlie Horses in my legs, but this was an entirely different beast to slay.
The bad news is, I truly have been galloping around with my true identity hacked off. My vibrancy and passion has been replaced with a determination just to charge ahead and it’s been rather abrasive and brutal to me and to those around me. Not being your true self affects EVERYONE around you.
I look down at my life (yes, down, I’m rather living out and about from my actual self), and analyze how my personal philosophy and my life are going down different roads, I am rather ashamed. How can you be true to yourself when your true self was set to sleep a long time ago? I think that this has been taking place for a while now. Since I said “YES” to some things that I had no intention of saying “YES” to. Since I travelled down a few paths that were not set out for me.
If I had to summarize the age 26, I would venture to say it has been my “Tale of Two Cities” year. It’s been the best of times, and the worst of times. It’s almost over, only one more month and 8 days until I wander into the world of 27, much more level-headed and prepared than I would have expected. Much more level-headed and prepared than I was a mere week ago. This month, I am stepping back from the things that I have allowed to hack my identity and challenging myself instead to find what I am truly passionate about, what truly gets me saying “YAYYY” instead of “NAYYYY”.
I am planting myself and allowing the things I love to orbiting around me. Making me bright shining SUN of my own solar system. I’m not necessarily anticipating this to be fun, nor easy. But the alternative is not a risk I am willing to take. It would be better to fall off the wagon than opt for that.
Not to beat a dead horse or anything.