Due to inconsistent sleeping patterns, a varied and highly temperamental influx of cash, and a world in which reliability and routine are not….well….routine nor reliable, I’ve been a bit up and down lately. Up so high that I feel like I would survive jumping off the tallest skyscraper in Raleigh, and so low that I’ve been wondering if I would find the ruins of Atlantis or the Titanic, or better yet, the bones of dinosaurs yet to be uncovered. Sometimes I can talk to you and form a complete sentence and other times my words feel like tacs coming out of my mouth and it’s painful to make my face a bulletin board of prose. Ok, all science fiction aside. I looked in the mirror the other day, an activity I don’t suggest to partake in TOO often, but I would recommend it once in awhile for the good of all parties.
Well, I looked. I saw. I saw a few things:
1. Someone I loathed. I saw someone who would not be smart enough, beautiful enough, talented enough. I saw someone who makes mistakes, who has dug herself a slow grave, I saw a girl who believes something and does the opposite in order to please others, or to be “approved of” and “liked”. I saw a message falling on deaf ears, because the message is muted in it’s pertinence. I saw a breathing, space-consuming being that really is not doing anything with her life that she thought she would be /should be by now. I saw every dimple, spot, and frightening feature on my face.
2. Someone I loved. I saw someone whom I think is hilarious, someone I laugh at all the time and think I’m brilliant for it. I saw someone is good at few things, a couple bits and bobs here and there. I saw someone who has potential and passion and wants to unleash all she’s got. I saw someone I actually do consider beautiful once in awhile, someone who is confident despite the fact that she exudes the very opposite at times, I saw someone who has HEART and I liked it.
3. Someone I had dreams and passions for. Lastly, I saw someone who feels she is here for a mission, who believes that the events are interwoven, even if that is only for my own interpretation and meaning. Someone who stands for bigger and better ventures and isn’t going to settle for less. Someone who understands accurately where she stands and what she must do to achieve her fullest potential. Someone who is inspired and just needs the keys to the Beamer to start racing.
We likely all see these three things. The good, the bad, the delicious, and the ugly person within ourselves.
Now, after putting it aside for awhile, I sit in front of a computer screen laden with job postings. Job postings I am qualified for, and those which I am not. I will send out countless resumes of which I think are a premium delight to read, and I will wonder, who on earth wants me? I’m rather tired of no one appreciating the number 2 and 3 I saw in the mirror. I want a good, FULL TIME, GOOD-PAYING, DELIGHTFUL, and MEANINGFUL job like nobody’s business. That’s sentence really was not an intended pun, but it was a pretty amazing one if I do say so myself. I am grateful in the time being for what I have but….
How does one let a future employer that I AM WHAT THEY WANT? Hey, corporation, I’m a cool, broke, stressed-out, efficient, and highly qualified chick, LIKE ME on Facebook!!!! And then call me in for an interview.