The Years in my Day

Time is such an oddly, inconsistent, and irrelevant, yet totally necessary, created standard by which we base so much of our lives. This morning for example, it’s ten to 8. I’ve accomplished little to nothing thus far today except for eating an apple, a half a banana and drinking a cup of black tea. I wrote out my to-do-list and I’m now at a coffee shop soaking in a little free time this morning before I get these loads of laundry underway and run myself ragged on a treadmill for a good hour or so. Yesterday at this time, I had already gone to the gym, eaten breakfast, showered, cleaned my apartment, had my coffee and checked my email, made a quick purchase at the drug store and laid out my plans for the rest of the day.
The same number of items are written on both to-do-lists –today and yesterday, the difference is the amount of time I have to get each of them done in, the amount of time I watch sail past me as I live in this strange time warp of a universe, where time seems to be the most sensical thing we have, and yet it makes no sense at all.BigBen

Working seven hours can feel like nothing when you break it into two even segments. Yet somehow working just three hours feels like an eternity in the making. The minutes on the clock rolling by as you wait for that metaphorical bell to ring and set you free. Five minutes at a red light can be a make it or break it allotment of time, yet five hours spent in a car can seem of no consequence at all in getting where you need to be ON TIME. A song drags on forever when the radio is playing the same awful drudgery for the fifth time in a row. But scramble as you may, you can’t identify the artist of this song that you LOVE, even though you’ve had an entire 3:51 to do it.

How much longer do I have to do this? How much longer am I allowed to do this? It’s only been an hour! It’s already been an hour!!! Will this day ever end? I hope this day never ends!

Another time-altering activity is to recollect where you where at this time last year, two years, three years, etc ago. Where were you on this day when you were 20? 30? 40? It will rock your world and make you see time in a different light.

The more I get to thinking about TIME and the passage of it. The more I see the world as a very interesting and fundamentally, a playground. A playground for our minds, bodies, and therefore a place where we have the choice to exhibit our freedom to go down the slide, or run around panicking about the steep incline and danger that lies therein. Those monkey bars wait for no woman, here I come!


Beautiful Thoughts

Yesterday, while getting into the shower, I realized I was holding my dry towels in my hand….needless to say, they were not dry for long.

I did happen to make it out the door in 30 minutes flat, hair styled, make up done, and pants almost all the way buttoned, and in time to get an oil change before work, the highlight of my day. When I get excited about an oil change, I feel like this is it. I am venturing into the waters of adulthood. Another step in the aging process. When you no longer care that blowing your nose in a public place will make your nose red and gross, you just recognize the need to expel the mucous in the way that it was intended to be expelled. When you get out of work at 8pm at night and rejoice because bedtime before 10pm is plausible for once!

Here is the worst though, and the primary purpose of today’s posting. Yesterday, I had a brilliant thought. I mean, truly truly brilliant. Probably composed mentally with the most elegant of intellectual prose. Devised to surpass even the most brilliant of brilliant thoughts. One that combined drama, risk, hilarity, and philosophy in it’s every word.

But I can’t remember what the thought was…..

Hello 26-year-old Alzheimer’s.

Oh well, until I remember it, please laugh at this absurdity:


Hard Work Makes Me Lazy

Lately, I’ve been valuing the principle and idea of hard work. This sometimes involves working 12 hours a day with a high monetary goal in mind. Sometimes it involves running from one job to the next with an apple between my knees while driving and balancing a few coffees in my right hand to bring to my co-workers to they will like me more and I can get on their good side and be portrayed as a super-nice, uber-funny, sweet, fun, all-around, American gal! Sometimes I get to bed at 8pm and I’m out like a light, but not like a night light because those are not usually out. They are usually on, or else their entire purpose would be moot. Mute? Moot. Other nights I can push my energy to surpass my wildest dreams, and stay awake and literally RUNNING around until 12am. I see faces and they blur together, so many people look familiar, it’s almost like I am living in a dream. Profile

So, today I am sitting. I just sat at Starbucks for an hour, checking my email, playing scrabble, thinking about the life I wish to create. I’m going to sit here for ten minutes more as I write this blog. I’m going to do my laundry, get together with my charming boyfriend at a coffee shop, drink a Pellegrino and sit some more, go to work for four hours and possibly spend a majority of THAT time sitting as well, maybe laying on some of the mattresses as I “demonstrate” them to customers. I’m going to get out of work and go out to dinner and do something really lazy, like say, sleep. I think I earned a day of rest, but I’m not sure. I just know that working all the time and then not working for a day makes me just want to be slothful and minorly unproductive (aside from the laundry and working). It’s like when you pursue the American dream, your down time becomes TIME OUT.

I think that is why so many Americans go out and party every FREE moment they have. Every night is a holiday because they are busting themselves to pieces and shreds with an inefficient energy expenditure of a rat race.

So yes, I want to be slothful and lazy, but in all honesty, on the flip side, I LOVE hard work! My name means “Industrious” for goodness sakes! If I structured my own schedule, everyday would contain actual HARD WORK that was just fun and footloose and fancy free. I could do it everyday all day and feel so great about it. It makes rest feel like you have truly earned it. And then time off would feel less like a sick day and lucid nightmare, and more like a dream come true.

Just musing.

Who Wants Me?

Due to inconsistent sleeping patterns, a varied and highly temperamental influx of cash, and a world in which reliability and routine are not….well….routine nor reliable, I’ve been a bit up and down lately. Up so high that I feel like I would survive jumping off the tallest skyscraper in Raleigh, and so low that I’ve been wondering if I would find the ruins of Atlantis or the Titanic, or better yet, the bones of dinosaurs yet to be uncovered. Sometimes I can talk to you and form a complete sentence and other times my words feel like tacs coming out of my mouth and it’s painful to make my face a bulletin board of prose. Ok, all science fiction aside. I looked in the mirror the other day, an activity I don’t suggest to partake in TOO often, but I would recommend it once in awhile for the good of all parties.

Well, I looked. I saw. I saw a few things:

1. Someone I loathed. I saw someone who would not be smart enough, beautiful enough, talented enough. I saw someone who makes mistakes, who has dug herself a slow grave, I saw a girl who believes something and does the opposite in order to please others, or to be “approved of” and “liked”. I saw a message falling on deaf ears, because the message is muted in it’s pertinence. I saw a breathing, space-consuming being that really is not doing anything with her life that she thought she would be /should be by now. I saw every dimple, spot, and frightening feature on my face.

2. Someone I loved.  I saw someone whom I think is hilarious, someone I laugh at all the time and think I’m brilliant for it. I saw someone is good at few things, a couple bits and bobs here and there. I saw someone who has potential and passion and wants to unleash all she’s got. I saw someone I actually do consider beautiful once in awhile, someone who is confident despite the fact that she exudes the very opposite at times, I saw someone who has HEART and I liked it.

3. Someone I had dreams and passions for. Lastly, I saw someone who feels she is here for a mission, who believes that the events are interwoven, even if that is only for my own interpretation and meaning. Someone who stands for bigger and better ventures and isn’t going to settle for less. Someone who understands accurately where she stands and what she must do to achieve her fullest potential. Someone who is inspired and just needs the keys to the Beamer to start racing.

We likely all see these three things. The good, the bad, the delicious, and the ugly person within ourselves.

Now, after putting it aside for awhile, I sit in front of a computer screen laden with job postings. Job postings I am qualified for, and those which I am not. I will send out countless resumes of which I think are a premium delight to read, and I will wonder, who on earth wants me? I’m rather tired of no one appreciating the number 2 and 3 I saw in the mirror. I want a good, FULL TIME, GOOD-PAYING, DELIGHTFUL, and MEANINGFUL job like nobody’s business. That’s sentence really was not an intended pun, but it was a pretty amazing one if I do say so myself. I am grateful in the time being for what I have but….

How does one let a future employer that I AM WHAT THEY WANT? Hey, corporation, I’m a cool, broke, stressed-out, efficient, and highly qualified chick, LIKE ME on Facebook!!!! And then call me in for an interview. Photo on 2013-01-10 at 15.11

Mattresses R’Us

Where was I one year ago today?

It’s a question I like to ask myself when times are tough, or when times are good, when I’m happy, when I’m sad. So, basically, I just like to ask myself that question all the time though I usually forget. Today I remembered and in reflection backwards, I see giant icicles hanging off of roofs and my frozen solid eyelashes. I see leg warmers worn out of necessity rather than fashion, and I see a rather uncomfortable, back-stabbing mattress. Actually, there are two of them. When I was in the mountains of France last night, living like a mountain goat and prancing about, I had to sleep on WORLD’S MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MATTRESS. That’s right folks, it was literally a strip of cotton lightly stitched around a couple of randomly strewn springs and maybe some nails or swords stuck in there for good measure and extra support.

I remember when I first arrived, having trouble juggling my insomniac tendencies with a timezone shift and often sleeping through my obligations and duties. Struggling to stay present and awake in a time that was so often slightly less than warm and cozy. All the while, maintaing optimism and clinging to hope, staying focused on that which brought my joy and smiles through my many many lonely tears. For a full synopsis and plot-spoilers, visit my other blog:

Where am I now? I am sleeping on a VERY comfortable mattress. And furthermore, I think this will get even MORE comfy because I am going to eventually work my way up to purchase one from the place I work. The Organic Bedroom.  The learning curve of this fabulous new job has been exponential. I am already learning about the way the typical mattress is made, which literally are cranked out a dime a dozen and made with PETROLEUM gasoline! For those of you who liked the smell of gas when you’re mommy and daddy were filling up the tank as a kid, now you can have that same scent in the privacy of your own home EVERY NIGHT while sleeping! I’m not going to bash Serta mattresses or put the fear of toxic chemicals into anyone, I’m just going to say that through working here and learning more about doing things a better way, that is free of chemical flame retardants, a mattress with no dangerous off-gassing. I’m simply excited to be learning about how to help those who want to make positive and healthy changes in their life even more. And this is just the beginning. ChangeWorksMag_the OrganicBedroom_Jan2013

Because we all have sleepless nights, days that we eat too many Girl Scout Cookies, moments we get the Sushi Blues from too much soy sauce, and cry lonely tears because we spend a 2/3 of our lives working and the other 1/3 sleeping and do not get to see the ones we love more often….

I guess I am right where I was last year, I am in a place where I want to help others improve their lives. I truly believe, despite what Olga at Starbucks says, that life can be “Peaches and Cream”. I’m going to cling to this hope and dream despite what comes my way.

These bags under my eyes? They are innovation in the works.