Yesterday, after Google researching some of my latest health problems, I tried to think back to a time when these did not exist for me. When I felt happy, light, foot loose and fancy-free. It all went back to sometime in high school, maybe right up until my senior year of it. Maybe even up until my Freshman year of college, when I got food poisoning from the cafeteria and vowed never to eat anything but bagels and granola from there again.
I remember Biology class in high school, where being the class clown, I was simultaneously riveted in the material AND addicted to saying “I have that!” after every disease our teacher described in pathology. I did it because my stomach hurt so bad and I felt lifeless. So I was making light of a situation that for me seemed hopeless.
Years later, I sleep 9 hours in one night and feel like something is wrong with me. I see a pimple and must have something wrong with my intestines. I try this diet, that cleanse, these supplements, but still my optimism is spreading way less quickly than whichever ailment is a hot topic for me this week.
Is there a cure for hypochondriatism? Is it just in my head? How can I spread health and wellness when I am literally battling my own to the death. My health that is. And my wellness. I can double fist punch them with brass knuckles until I give myself an actual reason to feel unhealthy.
So, what is a tired, lethargic, depressed girl who has a cold for one week and one day to do? This used to never be me. Too much change? Not enough change? Is this sign on the ground I found next to my car the other day a sign?? Maybe I misdiagnosed, maybe I am not a hypochondriac and I have it wrong entirely.