You are gone. You’ve left me thinking and pondering. You’ve given me some resources to move forward into today. But you have also left painful remnants of yourself with me to drag along beside me. This has happened more than once. There are so many yesterdays, I’ve stockpiled them in my mind, branded them into my being. The yesterdays get heavier and heavier as I commit to carrying them around with me. Can I drop this parcel here? Pardon me, did I just step on your toes with all of my additional baggage? Don’t mind if I do hurt myself and pull a muscle as I strain to lug it with me to and fro. What on earth could this this hernia be from!?
Question, to you, my dear, dear, yesterday, is it OK if I let you go now? Just put you down and decide I am not interested in carrying you anymore? It’s not that you’re bad, it’s actually not you at all, it’s me. I keep thinking I will somehow hurt your feelings if I put you back where you belong, file you back under that which is not actually reality anymore. When I truly think about it though, you don’t feel one way or the other about it. You are simply there, lingering in the background, carrying on in a completely different plane of time.
This day has begun in the dark. The present moment is dark. Plunging forward into unknown territory, and knowing beyond a shadow (no pun intended) of a doubt, that is the ONLY way that it can be done. Living your dreams begins today. Finding your True North is simply carrying on and allowing the unfolding to be a part of your everyday life. Trusting that it will happen
I heard something recently, which I am still trying to decide whether or not it is a clever idea. A writer describes how a notecard lies on the side of his bed and on one side he has written what gets him out of bed in the morning, on the other side has written on it what keeps him up at night. When he no longer feels this way about one side or the other, he simply rips up the notecard and writes a new one.
I tried to think about these two concepts and pondered what each side would CURRENTLY say. Then, I think about what I would WANT each side to say.
Right now, on MOST days, the first side says: Obligation
When I flip it over it says: Lack of Motivation
What do I want it to say on that first side? Passion
On the reverse side? Choice.
In closing, yesterday, I hope it is OK with you, if I am going to face forward for awhile. The eyes in the back of my head are too tired from squinting from the sun as today and the future are both looking rather bright 🙂