What I Learned in the Ladies’ Room

Due to unforeseen circumstances and an unpredictable turn of events, I find myself in the throws of the service industry yet again. This time determined to work out all that bad waitressing karma for good so I never have to repeat this stage of life. One of the places I work, Luna’s Living Kitchen, known for it’s bright and artistic presentation of raw, vegan, foods has me in a nirvana of like-minded people and an upbeat environment. Change scenes to the dark, glum, ho-hum country tavern where I am waitressing. Or, at least, I am attempting to waitress but mostly that consists of bringing food to people who are looking either a) up at a television screen or b) down at their iPhones. I literally feel like it’s a crime to smile at place #2. I tried it today to a few customers and received several death looks, and probably scored myself a place on someone’s hit list.

Fast forward to lessons from the ladies’ room…

I had to go to the bathroom, so I took off my apron and sauntered into the one-stall bathroom/storage room of the raw foods cafe. I hear the distinct sound of someone peeing echoing through the walls, and I did not know if I should leave or awkwardly stay and pretend to be distracted with my reflection in the mirror, or washing my hands. I chose option two, staying and noticing for the first time that my eyes are BROWN! How fascinating. Who walks out of the stall while I am busy making googley eyes to myself!? It’s Claire Danes. We’ve met before. Only last time, I was a fellow customer and I did not say a word to her. This time, I decided I would muster up the courage to speak. I have no idea what I said. All I know is that it was entirely peppy, jibbery jabbery, and not even worthy of being considered small talk. She was QUITE short in her response, she looked really annoyed, and then I felt terrible for even bringing it to her attention that she was famous. I should have said something cool and nonchalant. Or played my funniest card. Is it the awful hat I am wearing? I know I have a small forehead. It was then that it struck me, people do not necessarily LIKE when other people walk around smiling all the time if they are not. They don’t really like people who are not in their bubble to talk to them. And furthermore, famous people probably get annoyed with everyone wanting to talk to them simply for the fact that they are well known and having nothing to do with their actual personhood. I felt like Claire and I could’ve been friends, had she juts given me a chance. But I sort of blew it…

I also feel like happy people make unhappy people even more unhappy. Or at least they use the happy people as an excuse to be more unhappy outwardly. Are you following all of this? It makes a happy person feel guilty.

The other thing I learned, and I learned this because I had to visit the ladies’ room about 20 times due to drinking one too many liquids, was to balance one’s blood sugar with PROTEIN and real food, and not just drink veggie juice on an empty stomach. I literally tossed myself into a celery coma today while drinking entirely too quickly a liquid dinner in an effort to rush back to work. 

Looking forward to seeing what happens when I start getting more and more raw!

Changes are abounding. Patience. Discipline. The tricky keys that will unlock the doors! It’s exciting to see. And it’s about time. So exciting, it makes me want to smile….

Even though everyone else is either grumpy or stuck to their mobile communicators.



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