No Easy Way Out

I know it’s from 1989, but please watch this video:

Last night, I had the opportunity to make a visit to the outback. No, not like the one with kangaroos, blokes and sheilas, and decisively Australian cowboy hats. This was the Outback, outback. As in, the restaurant. Prior to this evening, I have only ever been once in my life, and I did not order anything there. I can fully recall not enjoying the experience  although there may have been some sort of onion involved that help to assuage the situation for me. This time was no different, I tried to pull out last minute, to alter the plan according to my vegetarian and vegetable cravings, but alas, it was to no avail. And there I was, a patron of Chili’s, Carraba’s, Applebee’s, or at least what I felt was equally as soul-selling as if I had gone to one of these international houses of chains. Allow me to reel this  in by unveiling to you my three observations while there:

1. Everyone walking in and out of the restaurant at the moment of my arrival had a humungous belly and other appendages of their body. I was not judging these people per say, just wondering if I was in the right place and worrying about what on earth I would order in a place where guts are filled to this level of abundance. I had to drive home in the same car I arrived in, and I am not sure if it could handle that kind of extra load.

2. The waiter was a little disheveled and out of sorts, which got me to thinking about my latest application at a few restaurants and worrying about these similar feelings creeping up on me.

3. My friend whom I met, we’ll call her, Sheila, provided me with one eye-opening revelation after the other. We chewed the fat and shot the breeze, all the while my brain trying to determine the “Everything Happens for a Reason” aspect of this particular conversation. The conclusion, as I lie here awake at 3am realizing, being that which I keep coming back to and avoiding. Well this time, no one, nothing, can keep me down. I’ve made up my mind and I won’t back down. When I made up my mind a few days ago, things began happening that could have only happened with a choice like that made. Yesterday is officially gone and whether today be the turning point or another place I will return when I have fallen yet again, I at least know what I want now. I have decided. And don’t worry, Dad, I have not decided to marry the guy on the right, here, though he did propose…..with a pretty little ring from a Cracker Jack box.

Sometimes, in life, we make stupid decision upon stupid decision, we incur what seems like an endless load, we have sunk ourselves so low, built our walls so high, destroyed every bridge behind us. Literally, the only way out seems bankruptcy, wiping the slate clean. Begging for mercy and the keys to forgiveness. All done in secret, the exchange is made, a temporary loss for a long term gain. Fleeing it all and not telling anyone where you came from or how you got there. Within 24 months, you’re back, living the life you always intended to. Not even realizing it will all come crashing down as the lies follow you from town to town. The truth will outshine the darkness each time.

How long can I continue to sign up for the same liposuction surgery, the gastric bypass fix, the bankruptcy, the ignoring it all together technique, only to stuff my face and wallet with what brought me there in the first place? There is no easy fix sometimes to getting to that True North Star of yours. It’s the knowing what you want, realizing there are a series of changes that will occur, realizing that the pain of the unknown far outweighs the pain of the know. And realizing that this is the last time you will have to be coming out of that anesthesia, that numbing feeling will be worn off soon and you will be awake to the pain.

I am fully aware this is not going to be fun, at first. But I cannot put off hopping onto this bus that has gone out of it’s way to stop for me anymore, especially not because of my own piddly excuses.

And, what is “fun” nowadays anyhow?

“Our finest moments occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable or unfulfilled. We then start searching for truer answers.” -Unknown

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