One. SVP

If I were the type of person who were EVER out of words, at this moment, I would be completely speechless. Unfortunately for the rest of humankind, that never happens to me so I will probably hit 1,000 words in a matter of seconds.

Tomorrow I leave France. It’s a little bizarre actually…it feels like I have been here for much longer. I would say a year if I had to put a timestamp on this whole experience! It also feels like, if need be, I would know what to do to get my act together and survive here. In retrospect, I am definitely guilty of treating this like a temporary home, a vacation spot (minus the vacation). I came, I learned, I partook, I indulged, and now my fun, pain, trials, record-spinning nights out, and faux French smiles are coming to an end. Yesterday, as I was bidding all (two of) my Chamonix / Argentiere “friends” farewell, I couldn’t help but feel a secretly silently wonderful elation about seeing my friendly friends. My USA friends. I have been doing so many pushups in order to ensure the hugging process is going to be painful for everyone! I am going to get my former boss, the chiropractor some $$$ PATIENTS!!! $$$

We went to a dinner party last night, a truly true British dinner party with 9 million courses,  including bread and cheese, dessert, and I can’t even remember what else because after I got full… my brain started to slowly ooze ice cream and celery soup (yes, I got funny looks, but I couldn’t help it!). We didn’t even start the ordeal until 9pm, by which time I had already taken my dentures out and had to put them back in! The dinner party taught me how you’re supposed to course meals, how to fold napkins, and overall, how to behave at a dinner party. I guess I learned this a little late….
 Tonight as my final plat de resistance, I made a jolly giant green chicken curry (not to be confused with opening a can of Jolly Green Giant), cauliflower hummus, and a salad — I practiced my new coursing skills with fervor. I guess now I can go and serve the Queen of England or the Duchess of Timbuctoo or someone of equal standing.

The other exciting thing that happened today, was a “surprise” bestowed upon me by Julie. Little does she know, I am psychic and nothing surprises me. Actually, truth be told, it’s very hard to surprise me because I am an accidentally-pro-eavesdropper and I always end up hearing something that clues me in on the goings on. But on this glorious occasion, it was nice to know I was getting a massage this afternoon because I made sure to shave my legs for the first time since arriving here. Wow, actually, something must have changed inside my soul; I feel like I can’t even joke as grotesquely as I used to without saying that it’s a joke. That was a joke about the legs. Maybe I am becoming more lady like! Sarah this is for you: I think that was the SECOND BEST massage I have ever had in my LIFE (Yours being the first)! Kristy, the masseuse and I talked about all sorts of things (not during the massage, I would never allow that during my relaxation!) what it’s like coming from elsewhere (she is from Australia) and living here, the mutual understandingness was absolutely divine.

Ok, all this jibber jabber being said, I think I am in an A-OK / good place. Feeling ready to come back to the homeland; not like I am running away (my tax return money never came so I couldn’t have escaped early if I tried!). My mission is complete. The last bag of trash to the poobelle, the chalet cleaned top to bottom, the frig stocked full of things for these fine little ladies to pick through with their fingers when hungry, my nerves at all time high, and I have everything I came here with, plus a little more to share.

What lies around the next bend is a mystery to me….feels a little bit like Christmas did as a child when I knew my parents had put a stocking on the end of my bed and I felt as though it was my adolescent duty to try to sleep until 6am before tearing it to pieces. Although granted, I always know my Christmas presents cause I just dig through my parents stuff, and know all their email passwords (er….I mean, I can hear their thoughts).

I scoot my spectacles to the end of my nose and suppose that this blog, (along with my time in a foreign film starring ME) has come to an end. It’s a good thing this last post is so lame, I wouldn’t want you to get addicted to my exquisitely woven English and perfect diction. I suppose my next venture will be to write about how boring brunettes are, or about how happy I am to be wearing something other than a whale blubber parka in everyday life. How the Chinese body clock changed my life, why to invest in baby eels off the coast of Maine rather than gold, how to Feng-Shui your coat closet…the options are just endless…I can mind read you (read mind you) and so I know your fingers are poised and ready to hit, “subscribe”.

OK, I’m going to brush my teeth.
Au revoir, bon journee! Bonne nuit! Bon Soiree!


— Emily —

P.S. Proof that you never stop learning something new. Today I got the magical epiphany (after three months of being here) that S.V.P on signs is an abbreviation for “Si’l Vous Plait”. I love rocket science, it blows me away!

P.P.S. I just won the word record for maximum parenthetical statements in a single blog entry!


2 thoughts on “One. SVP

    • Thanks Grandpa! I hope to see you during your Anniversary time this summer!!! Love you both so much and thinking about you often!!!

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