3, and 2! Darkness and Light

Friday night, when I said I had to wake up ultra early, I did not mean 4am. And when I said, “I can’t wait for the Farmer’s Market tomorrow.” I did not mean for my words to be literally taken that I need six hours to do my hair and makeup before it starts. But, I suppose this lovely insomnia is my body’s way of pretending I am already back in the States, pre-adjusting itself to a time zone shift, and of course enjoying as much as possible of the being awake experience that there is to offer. If this keeps up, I might start getting addicted to my Ambien again, I mean, er…Valerian root. There is only so much heavy metal music one can head bang too in the morning without waking folks up, so I can’t even get in a good workout in the wee hours. Random factoid: I learned everything I know about leg warmers from Jane Fonda.

Fortunately, being wide awake in the dark let me have a glimpse of the Full Moon– apparently a Pink Moon which I think means moss should start growing on the North side of trees and crocuses will start blooming.

Julie asked me over dinner Friday night, insert a pouty face here as that is what she was making, “Emily, how do you feel about going home?” All of the sudden, every blood vessel in my body was racing millions of miles per hour, I was coasting down a hill that most people dare only ski or skateboard down with my bare feet, and I had to toss my pom-poms under the table at my feet so no one could see the cheerleading paraphernalia. I was standing on stage with the spot light upon me, and I had not recited a single line! Before I could answer, Drinkwater (Polly’s last name, and she is wrinkle-free, so I imagine she does a lot of living up to her name) pipes in, “Are you kidding, she is so excited!!” I felt the need to explain and cover myself, “I’m just really going to be happy to do my own laundry.” Silently, I had a moment for soul-searching, why AM I so excited to go back home? I’m in France for goodness gracious sake bodacious, and I’ve had a good run, right?

So throughout the day yesterday, and last night, (all of this musing kept me SO busy I couldn’t write a blog before falling asleep) I thought about the things I am excited about in getting back to as I go home. I also thought about the grand purpose of this entire trip. I do that with every trip, be it to the grocery store or to Timbuctoo on a surfboard. In fact, I made it my mission yesterday to meet someone that would help shine a light on the giant hierarchical reasoning of this venture. Have the heavens opened up and cast light onto a noble mission for my life? Have I reached enlightenment and suddenly have all the wisdom I need to open up my own “Help You With Your Problems Because I Now Have None” center? I’m ready for some answers!  Something happened here. That’s for sure, but I can’t put my finger on WHAT it is yet.

One of the hilarious my-aged people with whom I got to spend time last night (The Butter Family –Charlotte 18 (see picture at left), Olivia 23, and Tom 26 –whom I met at yesterdays shi-shi hors d’oeuvres party) tossed me a sentence later that night as we were having sips in town, that I will not soon forget, “When you get back, you’ll suddenly realize the entire point of this whole three months. It will all become crystal clear.” I don’t know why I put quotes around things that I cannot remember the exact wording for to save my life. Anyhow, she said it SO out-of-the-blue, SO off-the-cuff, and completely out-of-context….so I KNEW these were words specifically FOR ME. Although I can remember before coming here the things people “predicted” for me: “You will find your soul.” “You will change shapes.”…there were many more!

I digress, here are the things I am really excited about going back to:

1. People speaking English. I know, I know, I should cut the French people some slack. This land is their land, this land isn’t my land. But I will be happy to just go somewhere and order easy breezy without having to worry about offending you because I am refusing to speak, and simultaneously bring America to shame with embarrassment, by speaking French. I also want to be able to understand when people try to order me various items while out and about, so I do not end up with an entire bottle of gin, a plate of escargot, or a fried piece of cheese atop a loaf of bread soaked in wine.

2. Kale. Kale is a two fold pleasure. First I will be happy to munch happily on the iron-laden greens that have always helped me stay vegetarian. And secondly, I will be happy to have my body feeling good and “normal” again. Do you think Kale works as an ab sculptor?? I am just anxious for my body and eating habits to flourish back into abundance as they reach once again the full potential I know exists.

3. Doing My Own Laundry. Enough said. But I may as well say, I am allergic to most laundry detergent, including that of the lady that does our wash. Having lesions all over your skin is really great if you’re trying to become BFF”s with an epidemiologist, and have free topical ointments for life, but I would rather pass and not have my undergarments drying on someone’s front porch for all of France to see my underpants. Call me OCD, but Hyett does not fold my towels properly and look what happened to my turquoise leggings: 

4. Freedom. I am looking forward to not have to ask to go somewhere, to be able to sleep and wake whenever I darn well please, not to be required to eat late (ie. at 9pm) and to feel more safe and sure of my surroundings and self. I belong amongst the wildflowers for SURE. 

5. How Chalet Say It….HUGS! I got one in Germany, and I’ve had a couple great “dead fish hugs” scattered here and there to get me through the time here, but I will be happy to get a hug so big and give a hug so enormous that both parties fear the threat of affixation.

I am sure there are things I will look back upon and miss…like being able to eat entire bulbs of raw garlic without worrying about social alienation, drooling over and coveting all of the clothes I can’t afford if I want to brush my teeth this month, and having every glass of wine being world’s BEST glass; I’ll also miss that smell of 72 stinky skiers crammed into the bus, and probably some beautiful landscapes to boot. But, at least now I know of all the hot spots when I come here on vacation, and I have one more day to enjoy it all.

The End. The Beginning. 

— Emily —

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