No News is Good News. Life is a Carnival. Confetti.

I’m so bored right now I thought of not one but three titles for this entry.
If your head has not crashed onto your keyboard, if you’re not snoring, and if you’re not lying in a puddle of post-dream drool by the time you’re done reading this…I have not done my job of making you bored enough. This is going to be the most boring thing you ever read so I would advise you that if you enjoy being constantly entertained, never without a thing to do or a thought to think, if you have spent your life avoiding ever being left without a thumb or two to twiddle: This is not for you to be reading right now.

I started my day, like most others, by the battery falling out of my alarm clock, forcing time to stand still and become zero. Actually, the batteries just do not stay in unless the clock is juxtaposed between my pinky toe and bed end at night so I sleep with it precariously positioned. I also hate the ticking sound it makes all day. Do all clocks do that?

Today was the first day that I have been bored in as long as I can remember. Though I did hit my head on a rock last night and get amnesia so that is not saying much. I have spent days with nothing to do, wrapped in straight jackets half my size, and in deserts with just the mirages to keep me company. I can always entertain myself. Despite keeping myself extremely busy all day, I was bored and a little envious of all the people around me who were not bored.

Is boredom really the sign of an unchallenged mind? If so, I can explain myself. I had the intent of challenging myself today. I was going to call up my old buddy cross country ski-instructor, Richard, and ask if he could throw me over a cliff so I can practice my downhill skiing on some real mountainous terrain. Problems abound instantly. He doesn’t teach alpine skiing and he was booked. No worries, I can make my own fun. So, I walk to town. First to see if I can buy stamps. The post office (open weekdays 8-12 (lies!!)) is closed at 10am. I ring the bell, but the dark lights inside do not open the door for me and sell me any postage. Alas, Stephanie’s letter “T” must wait another day for me to send it off. Following the post office excursion, I mentally skiied through a perfect day. I decided to rent some skating cross country skies and give it a whirl on my own. Literal and metaphorical flop. Not in that I fell, but in that I kept going the wrong direction on the paths and everyone shot me looks of death like I may as well hang myself from the next tree. Not wishing to become victim of their anger, and not taking to heart their looks of grief at my folly, I exited the path after about an hour of feeling deceived by the term “skating”. I can do a triple axle, double lutz, backflip on the ice rink, and this was by no means “skating”. It wasn’t even fun, mostly just really aggravating.

Next task comes feeding the hungry wildebeest that lives in my abdomen. I tried to make lunch interesting –tofu, cauliflower, salad a fancy dressing I made up…I guess eating everything in the house doesn’t take the boredom out of it, it just makes it so that you ate a lot and have tree trunk legs. I sat in the sun while eating that was nice. And listened to the crickets of my brain chirping loudly.

Nap time, I think the first entertainment all day! I dream in action-packed Cinemagic form, so it kept me on the edge of my bunk bed the entire 2 HOUR nap!

When I awoke I had the urge to join the masses and downhill ski. So I strapped on my 80 pound gear and took off…

On the same route…

That I always go…

Because it’s all I know…

And I didn’t even have enough money to go anywhere else once I had arrived…

Because I forgot goggles…

And the lady made me pay 10 Euros to borrow sunglasses…

Which she gave back…

When I gave the shades de soleil, back…

Her favorite color was purple.

We both had on purple hats.

Are you sleeping yet?

Good.

Mission accomplished.

For those of you still awake..where was I?

Ah yes, downhill skiing! I was bored. I was legitamitely bored. Waiting in line consisted of HALF the experience. And the other half was the same old hill, knocking over the same old children that won’t move out of my way fast enough, and the same mountain goats that have become permanent lawn ornaments on the slope.

So I ditched the skiing idea like a bad sweater with pills in the wool, and shed 60 layers and took a long boiling walk. To return my ski rentals. It was an uneventful walk, besides the fact that there was CONFETTI ALL over town and people dressed up in weird costumes! It’s Carnival Week! Like Mardi Gras in New Orleans, only cooler because it’s in Europe. I guess I missed the memo. I was supposed to have spent the whole day drunk! Dang it! No wonder I was bored.

Altogether, I looked at people having fun with their friends and families, I saw a few crying kids who looked like they were less bored than I was. Maybe I should have thrown myself on the ground and complained about there being snow down my back? Not that I want to be annoying the locals or anything, but even my dragging my left leg and pretending to limp down the sidewalk and trying to give everyone “pity me” puppy dog eyes didn’t win me any new friends to talk to. I have always been gifted with the gift of subtlety.

Yes, I would venture to say my mind was unfortunately unchallenged today. Despite being active all day long. I’ve had more mind stimulating days lounging poolside and wishing on shooting stars during the day time. But at least it wasn’t a day cut from the same stone as a scene in a 60’s high school drama TV show and I am not telling you about the twirp down the street who stole my favorite purple eraser and put honey on my chair in history class. And I suppose everyday can’t be a total roller coaster ride. Even dinner is boring. It’s the ONLY dish I have made more than once here that bores me to tears: Coq au vin. Yawn. 

The highlight of my day was catching up with my friends, asking prying questions about skeletons in people’s closets, finding that ONE picture I just inserted into this, and sharing with you about how boring my day was. Oh ya, and on the walk home I had a really deep, intellectual, great existential thought. But I don’t want to wake you up by sharing it.

Everything hearts and confetti,

— Emily —

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One thought on “No News is Good News. Life is a Carnival. Confetti.

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